Daily Steps You Can Take to Keep Your Marriage Fresh

It is well known that marriages can become stale over time.  Couples who report successful marriages often report working at them, consistently. Many people might be unaware, however, that there are steps you can take to work on your marriage as often as daily.  

Here are some tips on how to work at keeping your marriage fresh on a daily basis to preserve the longevity of your marriage:

Take notes

 We all have pet peeves, so most likely your spouse has many.  Taking the time to create an inventory of that which annoys your spouse the most can be of tremendous importance when working toward making sure you two get along, consistently.  The more aware you are of what annoys your partner, the greater the likelihood that you can avoid mishaps and arguments.  Trying to be attentive and awake to what bothers your partner can be a great measure for being a considerate partner and can enhance your relationship.  

Don’t forget thank you’s

Studies show that people feel increasingly valued when thanked.  Additionally, studies have shown that when feeling valued can increase motivation to help those who appreciate them.  Making your partner feel valued can enhance your bond and also lead to your partner’s increased motivation to help you and work with you.  Taking the time to thank your partner, as often as necessary, can be a great way to make sure he/she feels valued and loved.  Furthermore, it can make your spouse more willing to work with you, in return.

Prepare a favorite dish

We all know that certain foods can be associated with celebration. Research shows that preparing food for someone can increase their mood and make them feel loved and cared for. Preparing your partner’s favorite dish on any given night, rather than just on special occasions can not only make your spouse feel more loved, but also can symbolize that your marriage is a celebration, in and of itself. Favorite meals or “special dishes” do not, necessarily, need to be reserved for holiday and birthdays. If you’re not much of a cook, then taking the time to pick up your spouse’s favorite dish from a store a can still be a nice surprise and serve to make your partner feel special.

How to Respect Your Spouse

We all know that solid relationships are built on mutual respect.  Not all of us, however, actively attempt to send our partners messages of respect each day.  Being mindful of how respected your spouse feels can be crucial to making him or her feel safe and loved.  It can be an excellent practice to take measures, daily, toward making your spouse feel respected, not only so he/she feels loved, but also to ensure that communication can be more productive and effective.  

If both partners feel confident that their spouse respects them, it can be easier to avoid underlying tensions and resentments from developing. Individuals often report feeling respected when they feel heard and also when they feel their feelings are being considered.

Here are some daily tips on how make your spouse feel more respected:

Be on time

Studies show that many individuals report opinions of lateness as being disrespectful.  While you might practice punctuality in your professional life, many married couples often report not always being as punctual in their personal lives. Making sure you are on time for your spouse can definitely send a message of respect towards your partner and his/her time.  

Be consistent

Research indicates that many happily married couples often report that carving out time for themselves as individuals can be beneficial to their relationship.  Making time to satisfy your own hobbies and personal goals can alleviate anxiety and improve well-being, overall.  

Being consistent about the time slots you allot just for yourself can be a great way to balance your time with your partner’s time.  Making sure your spouse is aware of when to typically expect you to be doing your own thing can send a message that you prioritize your time together and don’t want to surprise your partner by suddenly being absent. Making an attempt towards consistency can be seen as more respectful than just unexpectedly disappearing at times you want to be alone.  

Watch your language

Studies show that profane language can heighten conflicts and impede effective communication. Avoiding offensive language can keep things calm and respectful and can also facilitate a steady flow of communication.  If you want your partner to feel more respected, making sure to abstain from cursing can be a great habit to prevent your partner from feeling unsafe or disrespected.  Avoiding this language, altogether, can be a simple and subtle way to send a message of respect to your spouse on a daily basis.

How to Be Independent While Married

We can all benefit from time alone, once in awhile. Time alone can be therapeutic, restful, and a great way to keep up with your interests and hobbies. Time alone can also make time with your spouse even more meaningful to you both. Finding ways to create time for yourself, however, can be a challenge.  

Here are some guidelines on how to carve out independent time without distancing yourself from your spouse:

Meditate

Studies show that copious health benefits can come from regular meditation.   Meditation is known to calm your mind and body, improve mood, and boost self-esteem levels.  Meditation can be a great example of an activity you do, exclusively for yourself, that doesn’t require money or leaving your home. Taking the time to meditate, even just for 15 minutes daily can be a great escape from your responsibilities and a healthy break from constant interaction with your partner.

Take a drive

Research indicates that many individuals report enjoying their daily commute to work because of the time alone in their cars, as well as the opportunity to listen to the radio. If you’re craving time alone, adding a few extra minutes and taking the scenic route home from work can be a great way to carve out some independent time. An extended drive can be a peaceful way to check-in with yourself without taking too much distance from your partner on a regular basis.

Plan ahead

Planning ahead and being organized about your self-care responsibilities can benefit your health and create regular independent time. For instance, exercising either directly before or after work can mean your exercise routine is attached to your workday. Having a routine that doesn’t break up your day can mean you consistently squeeze in alone time without compromising time with your spouse. When you procrastinate on daily responsibilities, you may find yourself having to take time away from your spouse to get them done in a way that is more noticeable than if it’s simply part of your daily routine.

Being independent while married means being who you are and not the version of your that your spouse wants. Love your partner’s individuality for what they are and not in spite of it. Preserving your individuality gives a sense of strength and longevity to your relationship.

Understanding the Emotional Stages of Divorce

Divorce, like any other traumatic event, can require sufficient grieving before an individual can arrive at feeling resolved and healed.  Although people can experience grief and loss differently, studies show that many individuals report undergoing the following emotional stages when surviving a divorce:

Denial

Denial can be a natural emotional response to death, divorce or any kind of devastating loss. Many divorced individuals report having experienced feelings of disbelief upon realizing the marriage was ending and reported trouble accepting it.   If you find yourself in denial, at first, it might be useful to acknowledge that this can be a common reaction to any loss.

Embarrassment

Humiliation is not often cited as a phase of grief, but many divorced persons report embarrassment as having been one of the challenges of coping with their divorces.  Married couples often take their vows in front of most of, if not all, of their family and friends.  Having to admit to a great many witnesses to your marriage that the union is, in fact, ending can bring upon feelings of shame and extreme embarrassment.

Anger and resentment

Anger can be a natural follow-up to feelings of denial and shame.  Studies show that anger is often reported as part of the grieving process for a divorce.  An example of how often anger can occur is particularly explicable in situations where infidelity or betrayal is cited as one of the reasons for the termination of the marriage.

Bargaining

Many divorced individuals reported trying to “hang on” to their marriage before finally surrendering to its ending.  Attempting to solve or negotiate to preserve the marriage can be common while enduring the grieving process. Studies indicate that multiple couples attendCouples Counseling after separating, often as a last attempt to salvage the marriage.

Depression

When coping with any loss, depression and sadness are often noted as a necessary step in the grieving process. It can be challenging to sufficiently grieve a divorce or any break-up, for that matter, without acknowledgement of the disappointment you feel.  Even if you are resolved, on an intellectual level, to separate from your partner—it can still mean you feel a great sadness about moving on. Optimism for the future and a solid decision to split can still be riddled with feelings of depression and loss, at the same time.

Acceptance 

Acceptance is often reported as somewhat of the “finish line” to the grief process.  Acceptance of your divorce is often reported as having moving beyond depression and sadness and on, exclusively to feelings of solid positivity and resolve.  This is part of the recovery stage.

3 Tips on How to Avoid a Divorce

Although there are rarely guarantees in life, love, and marriage, many of us would hope to prevent divorce from happening. Couples often find themselves in crises that make divorce inevitable and may wish they had taken measures to prevent these crises in advance.

Here are some guidelines on things you can do as a way to possibly prevent divorce from happening:

Get a joint credit card

Conflict around money has been reported as a major cause of divorce among couples. However, those who have joint finances have reported feeling supported, trusted, and united within the marriage and with their partners.  

Certified financial planner Jeff Motske, author of “The Couple’s Guide to Financial Compatibility: Avoid Fights About Spending and Saving & Build a Happy and Secure Future Together,” writes ‘There’s no I in the team. Remember the focus here is on you as a couple: you’re a team, a unit working to build a better life together. When you have your own credit card it’s that much easier to hide purchases, and, ultimately, incur debt. For this reason I advise against it. Both names should be on all cards, and both of you should review the monthly statements”

Surprise date nights

Research shows that many satisfied couples report appreciation when their spouses take the time to surprise them. Designating a regular date-night can be an excellent habit for married couples to get into. In addition, who says you can’t surprise your partner with a date night, as well?  Cooking a meal and lighting candles can be an example of an unplanned, yet wonderful surprise for your partner to come home to.

Set ground-rules

Whether you set rules around money, household chores, or even just make pacts such as vowing never to go to bed angry, ground-rules can be useful to couples.  Many couples have unspoken conflict between them that could possibly be eliminated by taking the time to create a simple rule on the subject. Having negotiated and established rules can lead to each partner feeling safe and loved.  Knowing that certain rules are in place can alleviate anxiety because each of you does not have to worry as much over specific life issues that may arise.  

Taking the time to actually create rules and arrangements that you’re both comfortable with can establish the boundaries that make each of you feel like your needs are met and can also increase your feelings of trust with your partner. Creating the highest possible trust and comfort levels between you two can be a great way to try to prevent excessive conflict and, possibly, divorce.